UNFORGIVENESS IS A KILLER

Unforgiveness is another killer because it is tied to the physical, emotional, spiritual, and physiological makeup of the body. History, science, and plain old common sense point to the fact that holding grudges affects everything in and around us. Our lives and relationships with others can be severely compromised. The unforgiving are driven by internal pain and conflict and as a result, their whole outlook on life is gloomy. This poisoned attitude becomes the basis from which they relate to everyone they come in contact with. Unforgiveness can cause a person’s cognitive ability to be impaired by causing a negative buildup that impacts the proper function of normal cells in the body. A heart that is full of bitterness and rage will eventually weaken the body and cause a breakdown of all bodily processes. Unforgiveness will not only hurt the person concerned but produce a negative ripple effect that can spread to others––consciously or unconsciously. This issue of unforgiveness is such a serious matter that Jesus addressed it personally. He warned that failure to forgive has dire consequences: “If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6: 14–15). In his epistle to the Romans, the apostle Paul made a similar declaration: “Blessed are they whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord will never count against him” (Romans 4: 7–8). When we become smart and strong enough to forgive, we are rewarded with blessings from God. On the other hand, when we refuse to forgive, we become vulnerable to all sorts of negative behaviors and demonic activity. Holding a grudge is like ingesting poison and expecting someone else to die. In order for God to save the world, He had to forgive the sins of the human race through the sacrificial death of Jesus. God is the first to apply the principle of forgiveness. The Scripture states that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us (see Romans 5: 8). In a sense, forgiving someone is indirectly a help to the one who decides to forgive. Mahatma Gandhi, a social activist of blessed memory, said that it takes a strong man to forgive. Forgiveness is not for the weak minded. Every time we forgive, not only do we empower ourselves but we also release those who have hurt us. To pardon someone is to give that person another opportunity to excel. This virtue is so crucial that Jesus taught His disciples to make it a lifestyle by granting forgiveness an unlimited number of times. When Christ said to forgive your neighbor seventy times seven times, He actually meant to forgive without limit (see Matthew 18: 22). Failure to forgive compromises our faith in God. Where there is no forgiveness, healing is restricted and health is compromised. In order for Jesus to make it to heaven, He had to forgive His enemies on the cross (see Luke 23: 34). Stephen the apostle had to forgive those that stoned him to death in order to fulfill Scripture (see Acts 7: 58–60). Before Job received his double-portion blessing, he had to forgive his friends for accusing him wrongly (see Job 42: 10). To hold a grudge is another form of selfishness and pride. In a sense, unforgiveness is a subtle way of saying to someone else, “You are wrong and I am right, regardless of your willingness to repent.” Those who refuse to forgive others tend to be judgmental and punitive. The irony is that such people have been known to harbor “skeletons” in their own closets. There is a high degree of hypocrisy and plenty of hidden agendas in the concept of unforgiveness and fault finding. Let’s look at the story of the woman caught in adultery (see John 8: 1–11). The Pharisees were ready to stone her to death, although there were almost certainly others in the crowd who were just as guilty. Now they were speaking with the one who knows all the secrets, and He was asking some penetrating questions. When He suggested that the one without sin should throw the first stone, not one of the woman’s accusers stepped up. They knew their treachery had been revealed. It isn’t unusual for some to condemn others for the same offense they are guilty of. The lesson here is that the room for forgiveness is the largest room in the kingdom of God. Refusal to forgive signals a lack of maturity and understanding about God and His kingdom principles. It implies that we think we are better than others. The truth is that no living mortal is perfect in the eyes of God (see Romans 3: 10). Just the same, God is not the driving force when it comes to unforgiveness; that weakness belongs to the flesh and the devil. Unforgiveness allows us to put other people in perpetual bondage, while we await their destruction and punishment for the wrongs they have done to us. Conversely, while we wait for their punishment, we unconsciously open the door for the enemy to attack us mentally, emotionally, psychologically, and physically. Our faith and our health become casualties as the work of God in our lives slows down. It is therefore paramount that we daily practice the virtue of forgiveness. Renowned medical doctor and nutritional expert Don Colbert in his book Deadly Emotions cites a study that demonstrates how learning to forgive may help prevent heart disease in middle-aged subjects. The incidence of heart disease was higher in those who admitted they could not forgive. The risk of heart disease was much lower in those who reported an ability to forgive easily. These researchers concluded that a failure to forgive is a greater predictor of physical health problems than hostility.{ 3}. If we refuse to forgive, the toxic emotions of resentment and hatred will continue to poison our systems in ways that are just as dangerous as swallowing a literal poison. Not only will our bodies suffer, but our minds, spirits, and our general emotional well-being will suffer as well. In failing to forgive, we are hurting only ourselves. Unforgiveness rarely hurts the person who has offended us. Most of the people we are unwilling to forgive don’t even realize we are upset with them. Many people are so rude or uncaring that they don’t know when they offend others.{ 4}. Forgiveness is one of the forgotten arts of the Christian faith. Not to forgive an offender is not even a viable option for serious-minded Christians. To not forgive may be compared to spiritual suicide. To fail to forgive is a major violation of God’s command. This command is so important that God warned that those who refuse to forgive will not be forgiven themselves and their offerings will not be accepted. The Holy Spirit cannot reside in a heart that is full of grudges, bitterness, and anger. Therefore, to not forgive is to shut the door of our hearts to the Holy Spirit. Without the Holy Spirit our effectiveness as powerful and fire-brand Christians ceases to exist. Unconditional forgiveness is the example set by Jesus Christ. Even though the Bible says repent and we will be forgiven, it also says that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us. Many people hold grudges as they wait for their offenders to repent or apologize. Waiting for that to happen while continuing to nurse the pain of the offense could compromise not only our relationship with God but our health as well. The Bible warns that we should give no room to the devil, not even an inch. For example, Jesus forgave those who killed him even without any apology from them. The following research from Psychology Today clearly states the benefits of unconditional forgiveness. Recent research on the health benefits of forgiveness shows that people who can make this mental shift to forgive may benefit in ways they didn’t anticipate—namely, by living longer. In a study aptly called “Forgive to Live,” Luther College psychologist Loren Toussaint and colleagues investigated the relationship of forgiveness to religiousness, spirituality, health, and mortality in a national US sample of fifteen hundred adults ages sixty-six and older. The study, published in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine, was the first to establish how forgiveness leads to a long life. Because the questions about religiosity and spirituality were specific to the Christian faith, Toussaint and colleagues restricted their sample to current and former Christians and nonreligious individuals. The original sample was followed up three years after they first participated, which allowed researchers to determine whether earlier religious and forgiveness beliefs predicted later health problems and mortality. After controlling for religiosity, social class, and health-related behaviors (smoking and drinking), people high on the scale of conditional forgiveness, meaning they only forgive others on conditional terms, died before people who scored low on this measure. Why would an inability to forgive others without an apology or promise to change predict an earlier age of death? When the authors delved into this finding, they suggested that people who make these demands for forgiveness continue to harbor resentment and grudges, emotions that can impair their heart’s health. Continually nursing those negative feelings keeps our stress levels high, and that stress ultimately exacts a cost. One of the obvious problems with conditional forgiveness is that it requires some sort of response from the person who’s wronged us. If that person is no longer alive or is no longer in contact with us, it will be impossible for us to resolve the issues. Dr. Toussaint, in an email communication to me, noted that “this could reflect decades of waiting or anticipating that the conditions might be met for them to finally get over something.” According to the findings, some of these individuals would never have gotten the apologies they awaited. In contrast, if we decide to forgive the wrongdoer without an apology, then we can start the process at any time. The sooner the psychological healing begins, the more likely it is that our health will reap the benefits. The study’s finding also provided an intriguing twist. People with high scores on the belief in God’s unconditional forgiveness also had higher mortality rates. However, the relationship between this aspect of forgiveness and mortality disappeared when the researchers took into account the extent to which respondents avoided smoking and drinking. Perhaps their belief in the unconditional forgiveness of God allowed them to indulge themselves. It’s also possible that if we believe God will forgive us no matter what, we are less likely to seek forgiveness from the people whom we interact with, and therefore will have poorer social relationships. Although the other forgiveness scales don’t predict mortality, they are still important. Overall forgiveness is linked to important aspects of physical and mental health. Earlier research showed that forgiveness in general is positively associated with better health in terms of the heart, hormones, and immune system. There are also psychological benefits to forgiveness. People who forgive more readily are less likely to be depressed and anxious, and more likely to be happy. These physical and psychological qualities could all be key in predicting a longer life. The way we respond when we feel wronged or seek forgiveness for ourselves has a variety of health-boosting effects. To sum up, if we want to benefit from the life-extending benefits of forgiveness, we should not wait for others to apologize to us or promise that they will change. We must start the process within our own minds. When we do this, we are likely to be happier, and live longer.

(Culled from my Book: The Greatest Physician).